My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
