upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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