it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
