ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
