i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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