I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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