i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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