I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it wasn't lemon gatorade
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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