I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
