If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i believe in u and ur pee
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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