babies were throwing up all over the place
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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