I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
