Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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