Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
