I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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