I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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