feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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