I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
