dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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