I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
