you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
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Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
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Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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