Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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