Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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