I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
