Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
