I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
