my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
where does the pee come out of this thing
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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