They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
