so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
