the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
