We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
