her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
