I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
