dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
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drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
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My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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