I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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