I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
