Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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