...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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