It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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