you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
