he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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