Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
