If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just high enough for therapy.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
