Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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