My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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