I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he fucked my hip out of place.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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