The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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