I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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