I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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