best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
