Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
