The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
