Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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