she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
