"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Text me some of your sweat
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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