ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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