I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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