Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
