Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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