Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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