Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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