So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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