You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Farmville is her only friend.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
