Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
